Girl, You Fat.

Oops…

Posted on: January 1, 2010

A note before we begin: Yahoo has proclaimed that eating full fat cheese actually aids in weight loss. You can read the article here. I am more thrilled than any of you can actually imagine. Obviously the key is moderation, but hello! CHEDDAR CHEESE FOR WEIGHT LOSS. I am a glutton.

I am evidently the most infrequent blogger ever. I think I got momentarily inspired when I went to see Julie & Julia and actually thought that maybe I would have updated on a daily basis. Ha! I also thought I had a job with daily internet access, but I guess that isn’t so much the case.

So what has been happening in the last eighteen days? I will tell you what. It is difficult trying to get into the swing of this weight-loss thing, and especially around the holidays. Here in Panama, Christmas is celebrated by buying a giant wreath of “egg bread,” whatever that is, and eating it at pretty much every meal. It is Jorge’s favorite bread ever, and as it’s only available once a year, it is a constant presence in our apartment.

Other delicacies that fall into the “once-a-year-so-let’s-eat-as-much-as-possible-of-it-now” category are cookies that are made out of almost entirely butter, eggnog, giant 25 lb. turkeys filled with pork sausage stuffing, whole legs of pig, and fruitcake fruitcake FRUITCAKE. So while that’s all well and good and not nearly as damaging to cardiac health as the types of food my American family indulges in during the holidays (nor as delicious…), it’s also not the best fare when one is trying to “rebajar.” Add that to the fact that my new job is not nearly as physical as my old one, and we have a problem on our hands.

What to do, what to do? I will tell you what: we will start an account at Sparkpeople. Sparkpeople is an amazing, wondrous website that almost the whole world already knows about, but which I will shamelessly pimp out anyway. It’s effective, supportive (with this whole huge online community thing that holds you accountable), nagging (in that it sends you various emails EVERY SINGLE DAY if you forget to turn off the notification like I did), and most importantly, it’s free. You enter in your information, your goals, and your lifestyle, and it creates a work out plan, eating plan, and grocery list for you.

And weight loss isn’t the only goal with Sparkpeople. There are various goals to choose from that can help improve the quality of your day, and that don’t necessarily have anything to do with your weight loss. My personal goals include “drink 8 glasses of water every day,” because I am a Diet Coke (or rather, Coca-Cola Light) addict who should be a paid sponsor for the company, as well as “listen to an upbeat song every day.” So while obviously the website’s primary goal is to encourage weight loss, it also fosters a very healthy online environment that also encourages people to take control of their lives in other ways. I should mention that Sparkpeople is definitely for everyone.

Now obviously, I am still in Panama. Sparkpeople doesn’t exactly take this into account when it creates, for example, my grocery list. What’s that, Sparkpeople? You want me to buy swiss chard and quinoa? Even if I did know how to translate “swiss chard” into Spanish, I highly doubt any supermarket around here would have it at an affordable price. The only supermarket in which I can find some of these things is the local Kosher place. There, quinoa costs $6 a can, which in the United States I guess wouldn’t be bad, but here that’s the equivalent of two hours of work. So no, Sparkpeople, I will not be using quinoa. I will be defaulting to brown rice.

Anyway, after all that ranting, my point is this: use Sparkpeople. It’s an incredibly useful tool not only for weight loss, but also for nutritional planning and all around health-management. I suggest every single one of you head right on ever there right now to create an account.

In other news, I took my measurements about two weeks ago. They are the following:

Waist: 31
Hips: 42
Thighs: 24
Arms: 13
Neck: 13.5 (MY UPPER ARM IS THE SAME CIRCUMFERENCE AS MY NECK!?)

I am, as I am told often in this country, “murlona.” That translates, basically, to “thick-legged.” It’s a fact of life and one that I’m not getting around any time soon. I can lose all the weight I want and I’ll still be pear-shaped as hell. My calves do not fit into knee high boots and didn’t even at my thinnest, and the skinny jeans at Zara are my “thinspiration,” as it were. If I wear a six around my waist, I will still wear about an 8 just to accommodate my huge Viking legs (another Jorge-ism).

An anecdote for you: while in the Peace Corps, I got parasites pretty badly (multiple times). The first time I was struck down with them, I traveled to the local rural clinic to get some anti-parasite drugs. I walked into the clinic, and the doctor’s first reaction upon seeing me was “why are your legs so swollen? Is that a build up of fluid? We’re going to have to drain them!”

Yeah, he was talking about my normal, giant calves. My calves which I try to attribute to years of tap and hockey and figure skating, but which are abnormally large regardless.

I am hoping, however, that with my vigorous combination of exercise (which I will get into on my next post) and eating somewhat healthily, my calves will shrink, but if anyone has any tried and true ways of deflating these bad boys, let me know.

I realize, in all my glorious partying, caring about the change of the decade ways, that it became 2010 while making this post. So I wish all of you a safe and happy New Year, and you can probably all predict my resolution for 2010: lose this fucking weight. And I promise you all: the next post will include pictures! Yay!

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3 Responses to "Oops…"

Por fin!

My new year resolution for you: Steady blogging! I mean, I need some sort of entertainment. And you always deliver.

Miss you chica.

I agree with CoCo’s resolution for you.

And as sad as I am to admit it, I think circumference measurements are the best way to tell your progress. Like you said about Zara, the sizes of clothing are absurdly relative: I’ve worn a 3 in one brand and a 12 in another on the same day.

I wouldn’t be able to track progress by weight anyway. We finally threw the scale out after it told me that I weighed 77kg and 85kg in the same day…in the same 10 minutes.

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